There. Are. No. Words. Except maybe: How f#@%ing hard is it to write a damn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles script Michael Bay?!?! Latino Review created the below 12 minute video breakdown the script beat by beat and detail by detail. I think the reviewer was being kind of generous thinking there is any value in this script at all considering it betrays every last thing that makes TMNT unique in favor of one of the most convoluted scripts I’ve ever heard about, but why soil your perceptions? Click play and treble in horror….
A lot of digital ink’s been spent on our site and others talking about the many horrid possibilities of Michael Bay‘s proposed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Well a Ninja Turtles fan site managed to get its hands on the script, which has since been put in turnaround by Paramount studios, and has submitted a, shall we say, negative review of it. And yes. it’s much worse than you think.
Here’s a list the atrocities the site cited in the script:
The Ninja Turtles as aliens? Yup, that’s true.
Worst still, the script pulls a Crystal Skull by making them inter-dimensional beings and not even real aliens.
Worse than that, they’re from Dimension X (better known as the home of Krang the Brain from….) And they’re the “chosen ones” of their alien turtle race.
Casey Jones is “an 18 year old security guard for a furniture factory and amateur hockey player.”
Teen security guard Jones is the one that gives the Turtles their individualized color bandanas so that he can tell them apart – Because all turtles look alike you see. So now Casey Jones is racist.
Finally, the Shredder has been recast as Colonel Schrader. Association with the Foot Clan was not revealed.
So is the script legit? Well, Paramount has already hit the site with a cease and desist order, but that’s hardly conclusive. What is interesting is that TMNT co-creator Peter Laird has broke his silence saying that the draft of the film he read is as bad as we think:
“Someone else alerted me to the existence of this script, and I just a few minutes ago finished reading it. If it is, in fact, the actual draft that was rejected and caused the production of the next TMNT movie to be pushed back to 2014 because the script was unsatisfactory, then I think all true TMNT fans should be grateful to the new “powers that be” that they did not allow this wretched thing to go any further. It could definitely be taken as a good sign if that is the case. It reminds me of one of the reasons I am glad to not own the property anymore… because I don’t have to tear what little hair I have left out while trying to fix junk like this.”
Interestingly, Laird’s Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman has been very enthusiastic about the project. To me it has all the makings of Superman: Flyby, the J.J. Abrams script where Krypton survived, was undergoing a civil war, and Lex Luthor is an alien bounty hunter. Hopefully, this Ninja Turtles script will find its way to the same bottomless desk drawer that Superman: Flyby sits in.