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I don’t know if you’ve seen the Tik-Tok/Star Trek music video, I suggest you look it up. It makes Ke$ha’s song almost bearable. This Doctor Who video though, comes in a close second. Warning, full of spoilers for “The Wedding of River Song.” (Bleeding Cool)
All right, you’ve watched the season six finale of Doctor Who, right? “The Wedding of River Song“? If not, get the hell out of here! We’re about share an explanation of River Song’s complete timeline and, obviously, it’ll be bursting with spoilers. So, if you’re not all caught up on your Doctor Who leave now, ‘kay?
This week in what was also the final episode of Doctor Who Confidential, Alex Kingston, River herself, narrated a summary of River’s entire timeline, beginning to end. Steven Moffat has famously said, “I’ve never found River Song’s timeline that complicated. It’s just, she has the adventures roughly, broadly in reverse order to the Doctor.” Uh, yeah. That’s because you wrote it, dude! Us peons without the full scope of her history have been confused for years. And, y’know what? “The Wedding of River Song” didn’t explain it all! At least, as usual, I found myself still with questions? Like, is, “Look in my eyes,” what River whispered in the 10th Doctor’s ear? He says it’s his name. So, does the name reveal occur in an advetnure we’ll never see?! How frustrating. But then again, rule number one, the Doctor lies. As does, River. And so does, Steven Moffat, that brilliant bastard.
Unfortunately, the clip from Doctor Who Confidential is un-embeddable. Watch it over at Blogtor Who. Hopefully you’ll feel more enlightened after viewing. I kind of do.
Psst. You can also read our review of “The Wedding of River Song” over here.
“The Wedding of River Song” had a lot riding on it. It’s the last proper Doctor Who episode (excluding specials) that we’ll see until next fall, and it comes at the end of a harrowing two part season that may have been the most convoluted and mysterious of anything in the series’ history. The episode itself is dense with plot, so much so that it almost seems that one viewing isn’t enough to absorb everything it contains, but by the end we find a healthy portion of what we’ve been craving for 13 episodes now: satisfaction.
Warning: There are, as River would say, “spoilers” ahead.
I must admit, when I was researching this article I was hesitant to spoil myself. And I’m really not a girl afraid of spoilers. But I’m so pumped for this week’s Doctor Who finale I was a little worried learning who will be joining River Song (Alex Kingston) at the alter would ruin it for me. Thankfully, I can say it hasn’t. In fact, like most revelations in Doctor Who, I only have more questions and am now more excited for this weekend’s episode!
That being said, the same spoiler warnings apply. If you don’t want to who River Song is marrying this weekend in “The Wedding of River Song”, STOP READING.
If there is one thing Steven Moffat is the best at (besides, of course, delivering incredible Doctor Who stories) it’s answering questions with even more questions. We learn River Song is actually Melody Pond, but did that really tell us anything about who the hell River Song is? No. She’s Amy and Rory’s daughter but who is she to the Doctor? And still, what did she whisper in the 10th Doctor’s ear all the way back in “Forest of the Dead”? Ugh! Moffat, you misleading little bugger of a genius!
But guess what, Whovians? Moffat has promised all our nagging, annoying questions will be answered in this week’s final episode, “The Wedding of River Song.” Awesome, right? It’s all we ever wanted, Steven. Except, he then immediately ammends his statement with, “except for one, because that’s the way I am.” You bastard!
Here’s the full snippet from Moffat’s Total TV interview,
[It] is probably the maddest Doctor Who story ever. But it answers pretty much all the questions about what we saw in ‘The Impossible Astronaut.’
We kind-of know who River Song is, but we don’t, because no one has been asking who her parents were. And the big question is, who is she to the Doctor? She seems to behave like a wife or lover. How is that possible?
This is where we reveal what it’s all about. So you do get answers to all the questions — except for one, because that’s the way I am
Again, I reiterate, you bastard. And what does he mean, “no one has been asking who her parents were?” Amy and Rory, right? Or did I miss something?
This whole season has seemed to hinge on asking the right questions. We know the oldest question in the universe will be asked, and then Silence will fall, and many (like myself) have surmised this too mean simply, Doctor Who? I mean, it’s staring us in the face all the time, seems likely this would be the question. Especially when you really think about, through all of his regenerations and adventures, do we actually know the Doctor?
So, what is the one questions Moffat won’t answer?
Doctor Who‘s season six finale airs this Saturday on BBC One and BBC America. Nine pm, eastern, for those of us in the States.
The season finale of what might be the best season of Doctor Who yet, at the very least the most shocking, comes to a close October 1st with the epsiode, “The Wedding of River Song.” I’m sure we could discuss for hours what that ominous title means. I’m guessing it’ll have little to do with two people being joined in matrimony, but will all of River’s secrets be revealed? Part of me wants to know it all, so I can finally wrap my head around her whole confusing, timey-wimey continuity, but then again, a part of me wants River always shrouded in mystery and warning us not to peak at spoilers.
What I can confirm is eyepatches must be very in style, and the Doctor has been neglecting his hair dresser. Check out the gallery below and share any theories you might have about what this finale is all about.