White House Petition

The Galactic Empire has responded to the news that the White House denied a petition requesting the construction of a Death Star. Galactic spokesperson Governor Wilhuff Tarkin (Pictured below) quickly took to the Galactic Communications System to reiterate the Galactic Empire’s overwhelming firepower and dismiss any erroneous thoughts of weakness in the Death Star’s design and construction.


The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcementby the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.

Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. “Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture,” added Motti.


Via: Starwarsblog

The White House has responded to the petition to construct a Death Star. This Administration promised to investigate and answer any petition to the White House that gathers 25.000 signatures. The Death Star petition gathered over 35,000. You can check out the entire response below, but here are some of the highlights:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

The response, cleverly titled This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For, goes on to trumpet what current space projects are occurring during this Administration and encouraging those interested to pursue a career in science and technology.

This is great stuff. The humor is fantastic and shows a level of understanding that is heartening for nerds everywhere. What do you think?

Via: The MarySue